Addressing Signs of Aging in Parents Over the Holidays

Throughout our childhoods, our parents create magical memories for us, especially during the holidays. Then one day, with outward smiles and inward dismay, our parents wave goodbye as we leave the nest and fly away to a different state or even country to build our own lives and create new memories for our own children. We are often too busy to spend regular quality time with our parents once we leave. While we enjoy a weekly phone call, it’s not the same as the annual visit during the holidays.

It is during these visits when we might notice some changes. Mom and dad are aging. They are slowing down a bit. They are asking us for more advice than we ask them. This is natural. However, there may come a point where they are slowing down to a more significant extent. Our parents may need some help in order to remain living on their own safely and comfortably.

So while you are back at home, if your gut tells you to pay attention, then it’s time to listen. Some warning signs that things are amiss include the following:

Increased forgetfulness: Are mom and dad forgetting appointments? Are they struggling to remember recent events?  Recent changes in memory could be an early sign of dementia or Alzheimer’s.

Unnaturally messy home: You might notice that the dishes aren’t being done, the garbage isn’t being taken out or the laundry isn’t being folded. Perhaps household chores are becoming too much for them.

Poor hygiene: Mom used to shower every day, no matter what, and now she barely showers once a week. Dad no longer brushes his teeth. These can be a sign of Alzheimer’s or other conditions.

Falls or injuries: You may notice bruising or unsteadiness. This can be a sign of diminished motor skills or balance issues.

Changes in personality: If you notice sudden moodiness or other personality changes this could be a sign of Alzheimer’s or depression due to aging or decreased independence.

Social isolation: Mom and dad don’t go out anymore to the movies or to see friends, or have seemed to stop enjoying activities they used to. Social isolation can have many causes – it’s something to explore.

So what do you do if you notice a few of these symptoms? It’s time to have a family meeting. Set an agenda and explain your concerns. Be sure to understand everyone’s perspective.  What concerns has aging created for each involved party? For your parents, it may be a fear of dependence or mortality. For your siblings, it may be an overwhelmed feeling of concern that something may happen when they’re alone.

Understand what is most important to your parents. What are their fears?  It could be safety, losing independence or cost of care. Are they worried that they might need to move to a facility? Perhaps your parents would prefer to stay at home, which is the case with 9 out of 10 seniors. In that case, contact a reputable, licensed home care agency to discuss care within the home. While many seniors initially fear entering into a relationship with a caregiver, the right situation will empower your parents to remain as independent as possible.

Identifying a potential issue, communicating concerns and listening to and understanding what is important to each family member are key to coming up with a solution which ultimately honors your parents and their wishes, while at the same time provides a safe and enriching environment.